Clownhouse Review
Interest: 4/10
Acting: 7/10
Storyline: 4/10
Audio: 5/10
Fights Guns or otherwise: 5/10
Excitement: 5/10
Horror: 4/10
Nudity: 1/10
Gore: 5/10
Logic: 6/10
Clownhouse is a 1989 horror film starring Sam Rockwell (he’s the only notable person in the IMDB page I can find, and I don’t know him from anything besides voicing a character in F is for Family.) This also means that I have a movie here that has a cast that has done very little, so presumably the acting isn’t fantastic. The movie run time is one hour and twenty-one minutes. Well let’s dive into this bad boy, shall we?
Interest: The speed at which this film goes is very slow. Now it does ramp up slowly, but then slows back down, it never really picks up pace. It makes it hard to not just travel off in your own world, because mostly this is a PG-13 movie at best and a G one at worst that is trying to do horror, even though it is rated R. I have to assume it is because of all the language in the film that causes it an R rating but it isn’t gripping in the linguistics category either.
Acting: The acting is fairly good in the movie. I mean no one is blatantly bad or anything. They all seem alright. Kids are definitely believable. The parents on the other hand, I’m not to sure of, they all seem to range from “meh” to “just average”. And that’s a shame, otherwise this film would have been much more fun and entertaining.
Storyline: I’ll try to break this down as simply as possible. Kids live near insane asylum, some loonies break out, kids go to circus see circus, loonies there too, become clowns hunt down kids. The premise is okay, but the execution is pretty poor at best. It’s boring, and just never gains traction to do anything but just contort around in it’s own filth.
Audio: Now it may of just been my copy of the movie, but in some parts of the movie, it sounds like an echo is happening, but the actors are just in a kitchen, the audio seems a little quiet, which isn’t helping anything for the atmosphere. But otherwise the film had a decent musical score that fit in with the movie.
Fights, Guns Or Otherwise: The kills and physical violence is threatened quite a bit, but actual showing of violence is much to far and few between. The verbal razors that flew through this film though are your cliché brothers, the oldest one being a hard ass to his little brothers, the middle brother attempting to be a mediator and also in general push back against the older brother and trying to protect the younger brother, and the younger brother being not quite as bright as the other two and being afraid of everything. So the banter and chit chat is high, and filled with insults.
Excitement: This movie has nearly no excitement at all. It moves slow, anything that seems like tension or a twist, probably isn’t at all, and if it is something for excitement, it has no build up, what is seen in the first act, is used up by the first act, and the process repeats every act of the movie. And while that may be something that works for some movies, this movie would have been better off holding some cards to its metaphorical chest.
Horror: This movie is supposed to be a horror film, and honestly, I’m hurt this is even called horror. It isn’t scary, it isn’t gory, and only someone who has a phobia of clowns, or is a younger kid (10 or younger) would be scared of this film, and the latter audience won’t be watching unless poor parenting happens. What I’m getting at is this movie isn’t tense at all, and it makes it for a really boring slasher movie at best.
Nudity: There isn’t any nudity worth talking about besides we see a kids butt in a scene because he wet the bed. Otherwise the movie is clean as a whistle.
Gore: There is no gore in this movie at all, and the only thing that might be “gorey” is that someone gets hung in the movie at some point, but otherwise it isn’t gorey at all and it probably would of helped for the movie score some sort of points. There is one other scene where there is gore, but really this movie didn’t cover that sort of thing.
Logic: Logic in this film makes sense to me for the most part. But there are a few gaps I’d like to address, which is the cops don’t announce a man hunt, the cops don’t listen to the kid during a phone call, and these kids are just home alone all the time. Plus no one can hear them screaming outside? I think it really hurts the film in a way it could have been enhanced to some degree.
So, After that, do I recommend this movie? No, not at all. I don’t know who the audience is for this besides people with clown phobia trying to get over it, in some strange way that I don’t know about. Otherwise it’s shot like a kids movie, but because of all the swearing by the kids, is rated R, and due to lack of actual scary things, or tense moments, or anything to create a spark of interest or wonder, made it drag on forever, and really just seems like the worst kind of movie, Uninteresting. The score the movie gets is 46%. I don’t even recommend watching the film as to rip on it and make jokes. Besides saying like you’d put a bullet in the kids or something and start your life anew, there isn’t much else you can say to make this movie more “enjoyable”. Well, until next time!
Acting: 7/10
Storyline: 4/10
Audio: 5/10
Fights Guns or otherwise: 5/10
Excitement: 5/10
Horror: 4/10
Nudity: 1/10
Gore: 5/10
Logic: 6/10
Clownhouse is a 1989 horror film starring Sam Rockwell (he’s the only notable person in the IMDB page I can find, and I don’t know him from anything besides voicing a character in F is for Family.) This also means that I have a movie here that has a cast that has done very little, so presumably the acting isn’t fantastic. The movie run time is one hour and twenty-one minutes. Well let’s dive into this bad boy, shall we?
Interest: The speed at which this film goes is very slow. Now it does ramp up slowly, but then slows back down, it never really picks up pace. It makes it hard to not just travel off in your own world, because mostly this is a PG-13 movie at best and a G one at worst that is trying to do horror, even though it is rated R. I have to assume it is because of all the language in the film that causes it an R rating but it isn’t gripping in the linguistics category either.
Acting: The acting is fairly good in the movie. I mean no one is blatantly bad or anything. They all seem alright. Kids are definitely believable. The parents on the other hand, I’m not to sure of, they all seem to range from “meh” to “just average”. And that’s a shame, otherwise this film would have been much more fun and entertaining.
Storyline: I’ll try to break this down as simply as possible. Kids live near insane asylum, some loonies break out, kids go to circus see circus, loonies there too, become clowns hunt down kids. The premise is okay, but the execution is pretty poor at best. It’s boring, and just never gains traction to do anything but just contort around in it’s own filth.
Audio: Now it may of just been my copy of the movie, but in some parts of the movie, it sounds like an echo is happening, but the actors are just in a kitchen, the audio seems a little quiet, which isn’t helping anything for the atmosphere. But otherwise the film had a decent musical score that fit in with the movie.
Fights, Guns Or Otherwise: The kills and physical violence is threatened quite a bit, but actual showing of violence is much to far and few between. The verbal razors that flew through this film though are your cliché brothers, the oldest one being a hard ass to his little brothers, the middle brother attempting to be a mediator and also in general push back against the older brother and trying to protect the younger brother, and the younger brother being not quite as bright as the other two and being afraid of everything. So the banter and chit chat is high, and filled with insults.
Excitement: This movie has nearly no excitement at all. It moves slow, anything that seems like tension or a twist, probably isn’t at all, and if it is something for excitement, it has no build up, what is seen in the first act, is used up by the first act, and the process repeats every act of the movie. And while that may be something that works for some movies, this movie would have been better off holding some cards to its metaphorical chest.
Horror: This movie is supposed to be a horror film, and honestly, I’m hurt this is even called horror. It isn’t scary, it isn’t gory, and only someone who has a phobia of clowns, or is a younger kid (10 or younger) would be scared of this film, and the latter audience won’t be watching unless poor parenting happens. What I’m getting at is this movie isn’t tense at all, and it makes it for a really boring slasher movie at best.
Nudity: There isn’t any nudity worth talking about besides we see a kids butt in a scene because he wet the bed. Otherwise the movie is clean as a whistle.
Gore: There is no gore in this movie at all, and the only thing that might be “gorey” is that someone gets hung in the movie at some point, but otherwise it isn’t gorey at all and it probably would of helped for the movie score some sort of points. There is one other scene where there is gore, but really this movie didn’t cover that sort of thing.
Logic: Logic in this film makes sense to me for the most part. But there are a few gaps I’d like to address, which is the cops don’t announce a man hunt, the cops don’t listen to the kid during a phone call, and these kids are just home alone all the time. Plus no one can hear them screaming outside? I think it really hurts the film in a way it could have been enhanced to some degree.
So, After that, do I recommend this movie? No, not at all. I don’t know who the audience is for this besides people with clown phobia trying to get over it, in some strange way that I don’t know about. Otherwise it’s shot like a kids movie, but because of all the swearing by the kids, is rated R, and due to lack of actual scary things, or tense moments, or anything to create a spark of interest or wonder, made it drag on forever, and really just seems like the worst kind of movie, Uninteresting. The score the movie gets is 46%. I don’t even recommend watching the film as to rip on it and make jokes. Besides saying like you’d put a bullet in the kids or something and start your life anew, there isn’t much else you can say to make this movie more “enjoyable”. Well, until next time!
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