Meat Pie Massacre Review

Interest: 6.5/10

Acting: 4/10

Storyline: 5.5/10

Intensity: 5/10

Fights Guns or Otherwise: 5/10

Nudity: 0/10

Horror: 2/10

Special Effects: 3/10

Gore: 6/10

Logic: 7/10

Meat Pie Massacre is a 2015 short film that is a horror film. It’s run time is fourty-one minutes. I made a list on Simkl with cult, obscure, underacted, and bad movies, and as I went through the giant list (the list ended at about 550 days of continuous watching) and saw this title, watched the trailer, and honestly had to see it. I knew it was low budget, but the trailer gave off the vibe that it may be good, or at least have heart in it. The actors and actresses in this film have not done much at all but one of the actors, Alex DiSanto found a way for me to watch it, and so now I’m reviewing it. The quick summary of the film is “A young psychopath runs a small business making meat pies out of humans she’s killed, and she forces her brother to help out.” Let’s take a look at it, shall we?

Interest: The movie held my interest well enough. I mean it isn’t a perfect high budget film or anything of the sort, but if you want to see an honest try at a movie with a budget of a bag of lays and gas money, I mean you have it here. I’m not trying to be mean to the film, on the fact it reminds me of if I wanted to make a movie, I don’t have the money for the equipment, but this is somewhere between a home movie and a Hollywood one in all senses.

Acting: The acting can be a bit rough in this one and I think it’s a two fold problem. One is that no one really has any acting training so there is that hurdle to have to try and overcome, but also retakes and cuts in the film aren’t done “seamlessly” so you can definitely tell when something was reshot because there’s a jump cut, or the camera isn’t set up the same way it was from the shot right before. But the acting for what it’s worth is okay, it’s not agonizing.

Storyline: The storyline is unique, but is also lacking in things to move the story along in an enjoyable manner. It’s hard to explain, it has all the right things needed to make the story go well, but it’s missing the pieces that make you sink your teeth into it. That being said what is there is a nice groundwork and while only 4 years old, if someone were to remake it that is more experienced in the movie business, this would make for a fun, granted, cheesy film.

Intensity: Intensity in this film is very bomb or bust. That either its a very seemingly intense moments happens, or it is quite dull. And sadly because of the lack of experience the team has, even the intense shots aren’t that intense. You can see they’re trying, but just doesn't quite click.

Fights, Guns Or Otherwise: I really wouldn’t say there are any physical fights at all. If someone dies, it’s pretty much a knife goes in several times, and someones dead, no struggle, no fight, verbally lashings are pretty much in spades for this film. Even some of the arguments were funny, had good quips, but without the other half, it feels a bit lacking.

Nudity: There is no nudity in the film, and that is totally okay. Would it of helped the final score? Yes. Would it of actually helped the movie? Ehhhh no not really. It may of helped with the interest of the film to some. But with the age I think these people are (AKA Not of age) That’d make this movie Incredibly gross and I’m not about it.

Horror: The horror aspects of this film are pretty sub par. They have a great idea, and you can tell they tried to execute it, but sadly in the end it fell flat. The actors have a basic understanding of their roles and what their character is supposed to do, but can’t make it go much further past that. And the ambiance is completely no existent, mostly taking place during the day, and while murder is a scary thing, this movie almost makes in funny. And that’s not a good way to scare anyone.

Special Effects: The special effects are also bad. Like a more red version of chocolate syrup for blood, just a Halloween costume for the “Killers” disguise, things like that. I mean this film isn’t high budget or anything so I expected amateur effects, so I got them.

Gore: Now while stated above that the movie uses chocolate syrup, it did work out for what it was going for, and for cheap effects, I would rate this film a bit gory. It isn’t heaps of blood, but you see meat being ground up and “body parts”. I would say if any gore at all makes you feel uneasy or you’re incredibly squeamish, don’t watch this movie. If you’re a gorehound you may enjoy the amateur work, but otherwise nothing crazy to see here.

Logic: Logic in this movie was surprisingly sound. People did like you’d expect, the story while weak, made sense. This is something I can genuinely praise, but also the hardest. I guess I should say that I don’t have really any more looming questions, besides the very end. I’m not confused, and it ends.

So, should you watch it? If you can find it, and have a night where you and some friends are over drinking and making fun of movies, or want something on in the background that you don’t need a to pay much attention to, Meat Pie Massacre has you covered, as well if you’re into amateur film making or into cheesy movies, then go for it. Otherwise if you’re looking for a great horror movie that runs at least an hour and a half, and will scare the crap out of you, sadly this isn’t it, you aren’t looking at the next Oscar winner, but you aren’t looking at a Razzie either. The score for this one is 44%, pretty low, but it’s an enjoyable movie, an falls more into the so bad it’s good category. Until next time!