Star Worms II: Attack of the Pleasure Pods Review

Interest: 2/10

Acting: 1/10

Storyline: 0/10

Intensity: 0/10

Fights Guns or Otherwise: 2/10

Nudity: 0/10

Audio and Visuals: 3.5/10

Excitement: 1/10

Desert Scenery: 5/10

Logic: 1.5/10

Star Worms II: Attack of the Pleasure Pods, is a sci-fi film made by Troma in 1985, and if you don’t know Troma, most of their films are schlock crap, but sometimes have some sort of fun or uniqueness to them that make them appealing to someone. The run time of the film is one hour and thirty-five minutes. The movie doesn’t really star anyone prominent. The quick summary of the film is “A man must hide his identity on a deadly planet, the Star Prison. He and his men while there must fight their way through treachery for the Lords of the Evil Empire.” Let’s so how this stacks up shall we?

Interest: I don’t think I have watched something so slow, with no pay off almost at all. Literally the first 3/4s of the movie is all plot… and if it were a blockbuster or a triple A movie, then sure I could see that, but they just groan on and on, bad acting with scenes that last much to long for what they’re trying to portray. it’s a real test to the viewer if they can make it through.

Acting: The acting is okay, it definitely doesn’t save the film from the terribleness that it is, but it’s passable. I’m pretty sure either the Director, or the Writer of the script, or both butchered the ever living shit out of this movie, making it the hell that it is.

Storyline: I don’t even really know what the storyline is I understand people are in or on a space prison, but after that, I honestly don’t really know. They are supposed to be looking for a special type of drug or something to help the Evil Emperor have, but most of the movie is them bitching about themselves and the situation they’re in. It’s numbing to the point that I thought I was at the end of the film four separate times before it was over. If you’ve seen Manos: The Hands of Fate, this has similar pacing.

Intensity: The intensity is just undeniably not there. It’d be like if someone said “Look at that salad. See how intense it is?” and you looked at it, and it’s just in a regular kitchen in a regular bowl. There’s nothing special about it and it is just salad, no tricks. I don’t have actual words to describe how disappointing this is.

Fights, Guns or Otherwise: This movie has bickering and maybe a shove or two, that’s it. No witty banter, nothing that makes me giggle, or go “Oh damn, that’s mean and brilliant.” just more like “Hey come here, you’re an ass. And I hate your guts.” said plainly. Nothing special nothing good. I think it’s supposed to be gritty, but so many other films, even by this time had done it so much better it was painful to even watch.

Nudity: There is none, and I think for once just random nudity might of saved this film at least for some form of freaking entertainment. I can not stress enough as to how bad this movie is that just something naked, would of made this movie better.

Audio and Visuals: I combined it into one category for this movie to try to help it out, and it still got shit all over itself by being an atrocity to human existence. Visually it doesn’t look much better than old home videos from 1995, and audio wise some how they didn’t level it right or something, thus causing random spikes of static and causing an annoyance that can only be rated similarly to Styrofoam rubbing together.

Excitement: This movie has no excitement at all. I watched the whole thing and I just hoped for some excitement. But no, it never came. I was always mentally crying out for relief, and it rejected me like a middle school crush. There is literally no excitement.

Desert Scenery: The one saving grace is this film has a metric shitload of desert. Like 7/8ths of this film is desert by a small puddle/river that we see. If you love yellowy sand for an hour and ten minutes, you will love this movie, well love the landscape I suppose.

Logic: What damn logic? All the characters acted tough and macho, barely being muscular or fit, they all pissed and moaned about their situation with no way to fix it. Not even grand ideas that might of worked or failed, not even lets just run, nothing at all. I hated it and you never really learn anything from the film either in terms of back story.

So is this film worth watching? Hell no and don’t even think that it is fun because I ripped it a new one. I wouldn’t make my friends watch it (and I got them to watch FoodFight!) so please let this die, and Troma, I am so disappointed in you guys for letting this make it out to the public. it’s a disgrace to yourselves and fans. Points awarded to this crap shack of a movie is 16 out of 100. Please do not watch this for your own good. Also I’m sure if you’ve read this, and you’re going “Why the hell didn’t he review the first one before this one?! Moron!” Well you see, this film went through many different titles, and somehow this was the one they settled on. I don’t know much of the history, but my assumption is they were going to make more movies and do a Star Wars like series of films, but it never panned out. Otherwise, they were just yanking our chains, and that isn’t cool man! Until Next Time!